I am a 28F and my boyfriend a 28M. Do you think it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who believes they are more intelligent than you are? My boyfriend is an extremely talented and creative musician who writes and produces his own music. He said that no one can make music like him. Because of this he thinks he is extremely smart and thinks he is smarter than me and anyone else.

Unless he is busting the pop charts, as talented as he may be, in truth, he is an aspiring musician. Actors and artists sometimes struggle with finding their place because they are often, as you (and he!) said, very good at what they do and want to share it with the...

Excuses for Checked-out Parenting

I have to work. Reframe: I have chosen to live in an area and create a lifestyle that requires a level of income that takes my time and attention away from parenting to an extreme degree. I don’t like parenting. It’s not what I thought it would be. Reframe: Parenting...

Inspire your Child to Set up their next Big Failure

“If you’re not failing, you are not innovating,” Jeff Bezos, Amazon. Look out for your child’s mishaps, bumps, and failures and get excited for those moments. Top CEOs are doing the same. In fact, they won’t hire people who haven’t had them or try to avoid them. When...

I’m looking to set up a suitable chore list for my kids and was curious if you had a good format that I could reference? I currently ask them to help unload the dishwasher, clean their rooms and make their bed each morning (all without pay), but curious if there were other things you’d recommend or parameters that you set that are appropriate for 9 and 11 year olds?

This is a common question, and there's many ways to build a values-based system for your family. Here is a "Flow of Abundance" chart that helps children see that we get out of life what we put into it. If we are thoughtful and generous with our time, treasure, and...

I need to do some soul searching and decide what I want my future to look like, that is, if I want to stay in marriage. I am at a cross roads in my life and I don’t know how to figure out what I want and in what order I should do things in. I have been doing what I feel is right for my kids but I’m losing myself along the way and ultimately that won’t be good for them. 

A great strategy is to make a list of pains and gains. This is a little different than pros and cons, and can help identify the values associated with each choice. So you do the pains and gains of staying, and the pains and gains of leaving. You also can do it for the...
Let it go

Let it go

It’s  a disservice to say “let it go” to loved ones or any “ones” who are  caught in a thought or behavior pattern or an addiction that is not  working for them. * “Let  it go” makes it sound easy, as if you’d get the same, immediate outcome ...

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A Strategy for Grace: For yourself and others

A Strategy for Grace: For yourself and others

The holidays (and regular days!) can create a lower stress threshold, causing even simple things others say or do to become annoying. When chronic annoyance is present, it is the annoyed, not the annoyer, who has some work to do. Impatience, annoyance,...

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The Essentials of Shame, Part 3

The Essentials of Shame, Part 3

The Essentials of Shame, Part 3 In Part 1, we talked about why shame is chosen. In Part 2, we dove into how each parenting style affects the development of shame. What now? What if you carry shame from childhood, or can see that you say and do things that may be...

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The Essentials of Shame Part 2

The Essentials of Shame Part 2

Click here to read Part 1. It’s useful to understand how and why shame is chosen when we are children. Once this is understood, shame can begin to be healed and released. For parents, this healing work helps them build a parenting style that minimizes the development...

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The Essentials of Shame

The Essentials of Shame

Today I'd like to talk about something that's an important foundation of our work together--healing shame. This will be done in 4 parts.  Part 1 today.To start, it's important to understand the origin of shame, why we are biologically programmed to...

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Teenagers and Porn

Teenagers and Porn

There are many ways children can have exposure to porn, even if they are closely supervised, and are being raised by conscientious parents. Here are some of them: Your child’s friend or friend’s older sibling exposes your child to porn either at your house, or when...

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Toddler Talk

Toddler Talk

Parenting a toddler is an exhilarating and humbling experience! By using the same phrases on a regular basis, you create a feeling of security and predictability into the sometimes topsy-turvy world of a toddler. Use these short, positively stated phrases to help your toddler understand what choices they have in any given moment.

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Winning Ways to Speak by Cara Day

Winning Ways to Speak by Cara Day

Winning Ways to Speak by Cara Day The words you use, how they are put together, combined with the open, expansiveness of your eyes, your tone of voice, and the warmth of your body language help determine the quality of your communication with your children (and other...

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Off-Screen Ways to Connect with Your Teen

Off-Screen Ways to Connect with Your Teen

Ten Off-Screen Ways to Connect with Your Teen: And Ten Ways to Connect Using Screens, by Cara Day If you do some simple math when your child starts high school, you’ll discover that you only have about 1,350 days, or 192 weeks left with your child before they head off…

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CARA DAY, M.A.

Family Coach

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