The Essentials of Shame, Part 3
In Part 1, we talked about why shame is chosen. In Part 2, we dove into how each parenting style affects the development of shame. What now? What if you carry shame from childhood, or can see that you say and do things that may be creating this for your child? Since parenting is a monkey-see, monkey-do proposition, we start with you.
Whittling good parenting down, children grow best into fully integrated adults when these qualities are authentically modeled and directly taught to them:
Integrity of speech and action (say what you will do, do what you say)
Basic manners in the home and out of the home
Strong communication skills
Resilience and flexibility
The ability to (both) place and honor boundaries with others
Development of the Wise Mind (intuitive balance of emotional and rational)
Compassion toward self and others
Joyfulness, levity, and maintenance of the free child spirit into adulthood
The three qualities of these ten that lead to the development of the other seven are: basic manners, emotional regulation, and delayed gratification. That is, if you want to focus, do these three well, and the rest will follow. And, without these three, the rest won’t matter much.
Most people become parents before they themselves have developed fully in these areas. It’s never too late. Our children are our greatest teachers. And, life is the ultimate teacher!
Neuroplasticity studies have debunked the long-held static brain theory. Our brains grow and adapt throughout our entire lives! Through laser-focused coaching, you can learn what you need to know and bring a heightened skill level to each area. On your own, take the first step by candidly noticing where you are at now. Awareness is a powerful first healer.
The premise of re-parenting is that we can heal ourselves from the unmet needs and shame developed in childhood. In childhood, we develop coping strategies when our needs are unmet. We do this to survive, to stay in our tribe (no matter how well it functions), to cope with a sometimes confusing family life.
Even the best of parents cannot meet every need of each of their children. When children become adults, the coping strategies developed in childhood can show up as maladaptive. That is, they don’t work so well in adult relationships, leading to isolation, misunderstanding, and unhappiness. This is especially true in the intimate relationship, where the risk of rejection, loss, and abandonment are greatest. Re-parenting is the path out.
This work is an integral part of my practice, and the first step in my Foundations Coaching Program. It can be done in-person and remotely. I work with people all over the world! I would love to hold space for you and complete this work together. If you are a parent of a grown child, this coaching experience is also a wonderful gift you can give to your child. I use my own adapted, proven method of un-conditioning and reparenting, research-based, that I developed over the past 15 years in practice. It is highly successful with every level of trauma and conditioning.
I work with people who experienced relatively “happy” childhoods and have helped them step into next-level living and parenting of their own children. I work with single people who either want to attract a wonderful lifetime partner, or simply want to stop playing small in life. I work with individuals who have experienced repeated, acute traumas throughout life, and help them retrieve the lost parts of their soul so they can live a life of joyful, peaceful abundance. Healing is available to each of us.
Want to begin a life-changing journey for yourself and/or your family? Want to experience and receive full access to my reparenting process? Get ready to do, feel, and be better–for yourself, and your family. Schedule a free qual-call or text today to see how we might work together! 619.991.1970