These are tough to experience and developmentally appropriate. Breathe by inhaling deeply and then fully pushing all the air from your diaphragm on the exhale. Repeat as often as needed while she’s needing support.
Jump her into the prefrontal cortex by calling something the wrong color, for example, grab a banana and say “look at this red banana.”
Put her in a warm bath if you can move her safely. Turn off the lights and light a candle. Or, put her in the kitchen sink with a plastic cup and bowl. Have bubbles.
Place a cool or warm washcloth on her forehead or forearm.
Heat up a bath towel in the dryer and say “I’m going to snuggle you in this magic towel.” Or do it with no words.
Say, “I’m here. I’m going to love you through this. I’m here to help you.”
Pull something fun from a cupboard that you know she likes, such as a can of shaving cream and a cookie sheet. Start writing words on it, like love.
Go sit on the couch by yourself and start reading aloud one of her favorite books with enthusiasm and delight. Don’t ask her to join you, just read lovingly.
Put on music such as George Winston or Gypsy Kings, or music in another language.
Never record her, threaten her, describe her tantrums to someone else in front of her, or make her say “sorry” after. Don’t mention it to her another time.
When it’s done say, “We can _____ now.” with neutral affect. Physically ground her by pressing her chest or thighs. Smile with open expansive eyes. Affirm her safety with you—her calm, consistent leader.