I have to work.

Reframe: I have chosen to live in an area and create a lifestyle that requires a level of income that takes my time and attention away from parenting to an extreme degree.

I don’t like parenting. It’s not what I thought it would be.

Reframe: Parenting is not the fun I thought it would be and I have a decision to make about whether I will still choose to put in the time and attention my child needs to become more of who they were born to be.

My child’s other parent doesn’t do their share.

Reframe: I can’t control what my child’s other parent does or doesn’t do. I can attempt to inspire them through compassion and understanding, but it’s their decision. I still have a choice to reflect on my own values as to my level of commitment to actively parenting my child or letting it be “good enough” with little effort—a decision I will have to live with no matter what my child’s other parent decides to do.

But my phone is so addicting/enticing/fun/work-related.

Reframe: I can choose to tuck my phone away to a non-visible location (such as a kitchen drawer) from 3 – 8 p.m. on school days and all day on non-school days. I can check it every hour or so without my child noticing. Or, I can show my child that a small black metal box is my life force. And, they will eventually do the same.

It’s different now. Parenting is so hard.

Reframe: Many of the complications and difficulties of modern parenting are self-inflicted. I can choose to look at the ways we have set up our lives right now and make some global changes as needed. Nothing is set in stone, except perhaps my limiting beliefs about my own abilities to control and create a life that aligns with my core values.

My parents didn’t learn how to parent. It was good enough for me, so it’s good enough for them.

Reframe: Life has shifted from survival to an opportunity for self-actualization and thriving. I can choose to be a calm, consistent leader to my child on a daily basis, or I can let the internet be the leader, second only to their friends who are also highly exposed to the internet. It’s a daily choice to be a conscious, intentional, values-driven parent.

We spend 93% of all the time we will be with our children in their lifetimes in the first 18 years of their lives. How will this time look and feel for you and yours?